


Lost  Ones

by fantaseasy



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Abortion, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 21:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3304799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantaseasy/pseuds/fantaseasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the prompt 'Grew up in a wrong neighborhood AU' and the song Lost One's by J.Cole. </p><p>They don't have the resources to raise a baby, she wants nothing more than to have his children but not now and not like this.</p><p>He wants this baby more than he's ever wanted anything and if she takes that away from him he doesn't know if he can ever forgive her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost  Ones

**Author's Note:**

> ABORTION!!! 
> 
> This story mentions abortion. I can not stress that enough, so if you don't support that or if you are sensitive to that then please read cautiously. 
> 
> This was inspired by the heartbreaking song Lost Ones by J.Cole, and I recommend you listen to it but do so cautiously as it is harsh but honest. 
> 
> If you feel in any way that this was insensitive or made light of this topic please let me know so I can amend it immediately, I would never want to be disrespectful to this.

She can't breathe.

 

All she can do is panic, the world is blurry and there's a horrible pressure in her chest. The tears are running down her face and her chest is heaving, in a desperate attempt to pull air into her lungs. 

 

She's pregnant.

She's seventeen and she's pregnant.

 

She puts her head between her knees and breathes deeply, she pulls herself together and glances to the pink plus sign that sits next to her. She prays, she prays with all her might that the plus sign turns negative or that she wakes up from her nightmare.

When the sign doesn't turn she puts her head in her hands and sobs once more.

 

 

A week later and she still hasn't told anyone yet, she still doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to be a mother yet, she has nothing to offer a child! She was going to go to college and marry Oliver and stand by his side as they ran the most successful tech company known to man, that was the plan. Now her plan involves staying in the Glades and scraping by for the rest of her life.

The feeling of panic rises in her chest and throat again, she takes a deep breath, and makes her way to Oliver's house to finally tell the secret that's weighed so heavily on her. 

 

He opens the door with a grin on his face; the one he uses only when he looks at her- the one where he looks like he's seeing the sun for the first time and she cherishes it. She's not sure she'll ever get to see it again so she basks in it for a second longer than normal before accepting his hello kiss and following him inside.

"Hey, I didn't know you were coming over today. Did we have plans?" 

"No."  He senses something is off immediately, and reaches towards her. 

"Is everything okay? You're not rambling." She backs away from his touch and sits hesitantly on the couch and bands her arms around herself.

"Is anybody else home?"

"No, Tuesdays are busy days...you know that. Felicity, you're scaring me."

"Oliver, please sit down" she pleads through tears. She clearly doesn't want to be touch so he sits next to her, helpless to stop her pain.

"I'm pregnant." 

Heavy silence weighs down after her confession. She's terrified and she can feel the panic setting in again, so she starts talking before it takes a hold of her.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me, Okay? I found out a week ago and I don't know what to do. I was trying so hard to pretend that it wasn't happening so I was avoiding you and I'm just so sorry that this is happening."

Oliver just sits there looking at her, until suddenly she needs to be close to him. She moves towards him and grabs his hand desperately.

"Oliver, please say something." Her plea brings him to his senses and he wraps his arms around her while she sobs.

"Hey, it'll be okay. It'll be okay Liss please don't cry." He tries so hard to be strong for her, he keeps his body from shaking from _his_ sobs but the tears that land on the back of her neck give him away.

 

 

They lay in his bed later that night, wrapped up in each other. The silence is oppressive but they seem unable to speak in the moment. The air is heavy, full of crushed dreams and aspirations, full of the acceptance letter that sits in her desk announcing her full scholarship to MIT, and of his transfer papers that show he was set to go to Harvard.

The plan was for them to go to Massachusetts together, to rent a shitty apartment in between their respective schools and work hard so they can come back for their family once they have the resources to. 

They were supposed to have it all.

 

Suddenly, she knows exactly what she wants. She doesn't want to be pregnant anymore, and she hopes that it's what Oliver wants too.

She falls asleep in his arms feeling hopeful that they can get their life back, that they can move past this and still have the future they planned. 

 

 

 

She wakes up to his arms around her, caressing her belly, he kisses her neck and softly whispers that they should get married as soon as she turns eighteen. She feels the hope from the night before shrivel up and die in her chest.

She steels herself and turns to face him. "Oliver, I-I don't want to get married. I don't want to keep it"

He recoils like she's slapped him and moves to stand across the room. "I don't understand, marriage was in our plan anyway." She sits up in the bed and looks anywhere but at him.

"yes but not like this."  He takes a deep breath.

"Okay, so we'll wait on a wedding, but as far as keeping it goes...I don't want to put our baby up for adoption Felicity."

She steels herself and looks into his eyes

"Neither do I." She's sees the confusion in his face, the hope that maybe she had already changed her mind before he reads her body language and knows she hasn't, then finally the anguish as he realizes what she wants. 

His face hardens and his gaze fills with rage before she can see the full extent of his hurt.

" ** _NO_.** " 

"I don't want to go through the pregnancy, I don't want to have a baby. I just want to be with you, I want to finish school and leave this place."

"You can't have an ab- you can't do **_that_**. This is our baby Felicity, you can't just get rid of it like it's nothing"

"Oliver you can't honestly be considering keeping it. We have nothing to offer a child, nothing. We can barely take care of ourselves, we have worked our asses off to get out of the Glades, to have something better. _Oxygen mask remember_?" her tone is desperate, desperate to remind him of the mantra they used to motivate themselves for as long as she could remember. The mantra they used to quell the guilt that leaving their families behind brought. 

 

 

For their first date he took her to the local museum, it was the perfect place to talk to her and they never ran out of topics thanks to the exhibits. The museum had an aviation section which included an in flight simulator, which they agreed to go to cause they'd never flown before.

They sit in the cheap theatre seats and buckle their fake seat belts as their 'flight attendant' (the video on the screen) walked through the safety precautions. The attendant tells them that if the cabin loses pressure oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling and you should put yours on before helping anyone else. 

 

 

Four months later they were madly in love and agreed they wanted more then what they had, they spoke of their dreams of Harvard and MIT and the house in a safe neighborhood. _  
_

They sat on his fire escape wrapped up in each other as they watched the sun come up, and they planned.

 

They planned it all out, they agreed that in a perfect world, they'd go off and run a company, they'd get married and have 2.5 kids, they even named their future _dog._

They had it all set before they were both crushed by guilt at the thought of leaving their families behind. How could they ride off in the sunset when their families needed them? Felicity was all her mom had and she couldn't leave her behind. Oliver had his parents and Thea, his little ray of sunshine, Thea who needed a good role model and how could he be that if he was on the other side of the country? His parents weren't the best and he couldn't bear the thought of leaving her behind, he would be abandoning her. 

The light they'd been exuding at the prospect of something more was quickly extinguished before she softly muttered the words "oxygen mask"

"What?"

"You have to put on your own oxygen mask before you help anyone else" she says with conviction.

"I'm lost here. Are you trying to tell me you want to become a flight attendant......?"

"No dummy, I'm saying that we can't feel bad. we can't change things for our families until we have something more for ourselves. We have to leave and put on our own oxygen masks before we can come back and help them with theirs."

"You're right."

"So what do you say Oliver, would you like to go to Massachusetts with me?"

"Yes." his words hold a small amount of guilt but her kiss quickly erases that.

"Don't feel bad. You shouldn't and I'll be here to remind you of that."

He smiles at her before he kisses her again "and I'll remind you"

She twined her arms around his neck before cocking her head and asking "Oxygen mask?"

"Oxygen mask." he replied determinedly before he carried her back inside and kisses his way down her body.

 

 

Now here she was, a year and a half later, with their dream so _close_ and it was all falling apart.

"Fuck that Felicity! 'Oxygen Mask' doesn't justify getting rid of our baby" he seethes.

"What are we going to do then huh? Say I keep the baby and we do get married then what? We're going to stay here, we'll have to use all the money we saved for an apartment there for a crappy house here and we'll get married and then what? How are we going to support ourselves? Neither of us will have degrees so we'll work some awful nine to five jobs to pay bills and we'll be miserable."

"that's not-" 

"Yes it is! That's exactly what will happen! Or worse you'll get jumped into the local gang so you can provide a semblance of better for us. The Bratva is always looking for new errand boys, but that will just put us in the line of fire. So tell me Oliver, how is this going to work out?!"

"We'll figure it out." His voice breaks.

"Oliver, please. Please don't ask me to keep this baby." she avoids his eyes once more, unable to look at the pain and defeat that resides there. 

"Get Out." he says softly.

"Please." she begs him to understand.

"GET OUT." she readies to leave as slowly as she can, hoping he'll ask her to stay, or that one of them will change their minds.

 

 

She doesn't want to go, doesn't want this to be the end of them.

 She loves him, _God_ does she love him. 

The forever kind of love, the one that she feels in every fiber of her being, the one where she misses him when he's in another room and the world is brighter when they're together. 

She doesn't want to lose that, but she can't lose her future either.

 

 

She makes an appointment for the upcoming Wednesday at the local clinic. 

She feels like shit.

The guilt eats at her but she knows in her heart that she's doing the right thing for them- for _her_.

She was strong.

She would be okay, she had to be.

 

 

She ditches school the next day and goes to the local community college to see if she can catch Oliver after his classes but before he works.

She finds him in the library, laughing with a girl from his economics class. 

It hurts, that she's not the source of his laughter but she also knows he has a right to feel how he feels. 

She slowly approaches them and his face falls when he sees her.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" she asks him quietly.

"Ollie who's this?" Laurel asks brightly. He doesn't answer, doesn't know how, because as far as he's concerned his girlfriend wouldn't ever consider abortion and yet here she was. He doesn't know who this girl is.

"I'm Felicity,"she says with a soft shake of Laurel's hand.

"Oh, you're the famous Felicity! I'm Laurel. It's wonderful to finally meet you, Ollie just adores you." She smiles politely trying to lighten the tension that lingers in the air.

"I'll meet up with you later to go over the homework?" Oliver says in a dismissing tone.

"Sure. It was really nice meeting you Felicity. I'll see you guys later." she walks away and Oliver grabs her elbow and pulls her to a more secluded section of the library. 

 

"what are you doing here?" he growls

"I wanted to tell you that I made an appointment at the clinic...for Wednesday" she avoids eye contact and keeps her distance but she aches for his touch, for him to tell her it's okay and that he doesn't hate her.

He scoffs angrily, "You're seriously going through with this?" she flinches at his harsh tone but she nods.

"You're disgusting. How can you do this after everything we've been through? We are supposed to be forever Felicity and you're ruining it."

"I'm doing this for us, I swear. I wouldn't do it if I didn't honestly think it'd be better for us in the future."

"Your dad abandoned you Felicity and you used to tell me that you could never do that, that you would fight for you child no matter what. Yet here you are abandoning him before you've even given our baby a chance to live." 

"That's no fair-"

"No what you're doing isn't fair."

"Oliver I know I have no right to ask but if you would please come, I really need you there. If you change your mind it's at 5" she turns to walk away but not before she hears his hissed, "If you do this I'll never forgive you."

She turns and walks out of the library steeling herself for a life without him.

 

On the day of her procedure her mom drives her to the clinic and  she changes into the paper gown provided for her.

She's terrified, she's hyper-aware of everything in the room and the clicking of the clock is raising her anxiety with every moment that passes. 

The panic is welling up in her chest again and all she can think about is the future she could have with Oliver, with their baby- no not baby. Not yet, right now it's a cluster of cells, she can't think of it as a baby. She can't let herself imagine so she forcibly shoves her thoughts out of her head before they can grow roots of doubt. 

She can do this.

Oliver is only 19 and she's 17, they're just children. This is best. 

She takes a deep breath and greets the doctor as she walks in. 

 

 

She stops being pregnant on a Wednesday after 4 hours at a clinic.

Oliver never showed.

 

 

She's out of school for a few days afterwards. She didn't tell anyone but Oliver about the bab-the cells, so no one suspects anything more than the flu. 

Her mom asks her to eat, to come out of her room but she doesn't want to.

She's just so tired.

 

 

She goes back to school and she throws herself into her work. She _will not_  lose anymore of her future. Oliver doesn't speak to her and she pretends that it doesn't hurt, that she doesn't love him that much anyways. 

She never was very good at pretending.

 

 

2 months later she wakes up in the middle of the night to a hand caressing her now empty belly. A hand she's more than familiar with and she feigns sleep so he won't leave. He knows her though and picks up the shift in her breathing pattern, he pulls her tighter against him and she cups his hand with hers. 

She's missed him.

Oliver's pressed against her back, trying to wrap himself in her. She seeks his warmth, his love and nuzzles as close to him as humanly possible. 

They both ignore the tears staining her bed sheets and the sobs coming from their chests.

All she's wanted is for him to be with her again and now that he's here.....it hurts. She doesn't know what it means but she doesn't want him to leave.

He turns her to face him before kissing her softly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Felicity," he sobs. 

"I love you so much and I should've been there for you. I should've gone to the appointment."

"You were upset, I understand." she cups his face and she's not sure she can stand the sadness that she sees in his eyes.

"I don't blame you, you were right. We couldn't raise a baby and me blaming you wasn't going to change that."

"Oliver-" her voice cracks.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I love you Felicity, I love you so much and I left you when you needed me."

"I'm not mad at you. It was hard, and it wasn't something I just did. I wish there were another way."

"Can you forgive me? For all the horrible things I said to you, for not being there can you forgive me?"

"Of course I can." she wipes away the tears that are still running down his cheeks until he stops crying.

 

They lay in an awkward silence for a couple more minutes. Months of tension and sadness left them unsure how to go on. 

"Can we still have the future we planned?" he asked in a small voice. 

"yes."

He pulls her closer and inhales her scent. He loves her, he wants forever with her and he won't mess up again. She had to be the one to make the hard decision and as much as it pains him he loves her for it, for protecting their bright future. 

he left her once but he won't make the same mistake twice.

 

 

It's hard, going back to how they were before. There are moments where they get lost in themselves before the other pulls them back, they shouldn't feel guilty, they needed it to happen. 

Overall they're happy, she loves MIT and Harvard is everything he's ever dreamed. 

She's a genius and is in advanced courses and he has enough credits from Starling Community College to become a junior. They are both on full rides and they both love the stress that comes with it all.

 

 

Sometimes things are bad, they fight and it'll bring up some lingering anger and sometimes they'll see a baby and get really quiet.

They take turns comforting the other when it gets tough. Her due date passes and he wakes up to her quietly sobbing before he pulls her in his arms and whispers words of comfort.

"Sometimes, I forget it happened", she confesses quietly. "I feel like a monster because I don't want to remember so I make myself forget and then something simple makes it all come rushing back and I become a mess."

"I know. I'm not too proud to tell you that sometimes i cry about it." he kisses her forehead gently.

"I cried over this stupid pair of baby shoes the other day. They were pink and had glitter on the toes, and they reminded me of the ones you got Thea for her birthday last year and I thought 'oh Auntie/ Niece matching shoes how cute' and then I cried in the bathroom at Target" she says with a dejected laugh. 

"I saw a little blonde boy at the park by work today and I wanted to know if our son would be as adventurous. I swear this little boy jumped off the top of the jungle gym." he laughs as he imagines a frantic Felicity chasing after a willful blue eyed boy.

"It'll happen right? We'll have all that someday."

"We will, and it will be perfect."

"I love you" he kisses her softly

"I love you too."

 

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you thought, if it's really awful and I need to take it down or what lol. 
> 
> Again, if you feel like this was disrespectful or in any way made light of this situation please let me know so I can correct it. Thank you for reading.


End file.
